Christmas should be a happy time of year with the focus on spending time with family and friends. However for many it can become incredibly stressful. There's the pressure of trying to get everything done before the big day including shopping, cooking and organising everybody. Christmas can be exceptionally hard to deal with if you have children and have recently split from, or lost your partner.

Much of the stress over Christmas can be attributed to unrealistic expectations. We put too much pressure on ourselves that everything will be perfect. Here are some tips to help cope with this:

Plan and organise your days and chores. Take a bit of time to work through what needs to be done and when, over the weeks leading up to Christmas. In organising yourself and your days you can hopefully spend less time panicking and running around madly. This in turn gives you more precious time to spend with your children and loved ones. Remember to block out a little time for some pampering, so that it's not just about you pleasing everyone else.

Take pressure off yourself by learning to say no. If you don't have the time to do everything, then be assertive and say so. Delegate chores and responsibilities to your partner, children and other family members so that you're not doing everything. It's important to make use of a support system, especially if you're struggling to cope. Remember, cooking a dinner for four is different for say twelve! Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends or relatives. For example, if you're responsible for cooking the main meal, consider what you can prepare in advance and ask relatives to bring starters and desserts. That way, everyone gets involved.

Gifts and presents unfortunately now play a big part in the perception of Christmas, which can put you under financial pressure. The truth is that instead of judging things by the price tag, the best presents are those that are really relevant to the person and have shown a lot of thought.

Real families will have arguments but they don't have to spoil the holidays. Remember you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control how you react to them. For example, if you know that a family member is always critical, try not to rise to the situation when it happens. Instead confide and vent your feeling to other trusted friends.

Realise that things will go wrong. You might forget to buy the cranberry sauce or spill gravy on your new dress. The kids will be noisy and messy. Try to accept this and face setbacks calmly, which will enable you to cope and also relax better. If something doesn't go quite according to plan, instead of stressing over it, re-focus on the purpose of Christmas and being together with family and friends.

Christmas can inevitably mean routine for many people e.g. you always go to the same house and spend it with the same people. If the thought of this is filling you with dread or if this is painful and holds too many memories for you, then do not be frightened to break with tradition. Assertively tell your family your intentions. In breaking the routine and doing something different such as spending Christmas abroad, it will help to ease the feelings of comparisons to years gone by and who knows, perhaps will be the start of a new tradition for you and your family.

Here's to a peaceful and happy Christmas!

To find out more about dealing with changes in your life and for help in creating a life that you love, visit www.horizonsregained.com