Dishwasher's on, kids finally tucked up asleep, shopping list scrawled, school bags packed, pile of ironing and I'm thinking what speedy, nutritious supper I can rustle together in five minutes. Husband however, is slowly edging his way closer with ‛that' look in his eye I still recognise after 15 years, two kids, one dog, various jobs and several house moves later.

Ah. He's up for it and I'm still in my rubber gloves. Why does, after Cupid's arrow of raw passion we first felt with our partner seem like a distant dream as we plough our way through the daily details in the life of a mum?

Hormonally - back off or I'll kill you, physically - the pastry tummy, mentally - just knackered all the time, my sex drive is lagging round a country road while my husband's continues to be racing at 90 mile an hour in the fast lane. Why does nature do this to us?

I should be flattered that my partner is still interested in me as a lover. I wouldn't be! I know he misses sex and men do equate lovemaking with us being ‛interested' in them. A long bath, glass of wine, cuddle or chat doesn't quite have the same appeal for men as does a session of damn good bedroom gymnastics.

Bed for me is for sleep. This happened after the birth of my second child. When my oversized, over washed, comfy pyjamas go on - I'm a ‛warning don't touch' zone. Any straying of wandering fingers on my side of the bed leads to nuclear meltdown. My husband is well trained now and sadly, very frustrated.

We mustn't take it personally. It's biological and rooted in cavemen mentality. As mum's we can appear distant to our partners as we're pulled on all day by children, fatigue, stress or whatever else and sex is all too often at the bottom of my to-do-list.

But it's all too easy to neglect the ‛big people' relationship as we plough our way through life. Men are pulled all ways too. If they're the only breadwinner - it can be huge responsibility to know that the whole family depends on their ability to earn the income. If you're both juggling work and children, the time you spend together as a couple gets squeezed to a minimum - and in what little free time you get, you'll want a warm bath and your man will fancy a different kind of stress relief!

Men carry stress, men also do ‛lists', men are tired, men are big kids who need emotional and physical support too. I have a friend who schedules in ‛bedroom' time. Twice a week (that often!) they book a date upstairs and she tells me that she looks forward to it and talks about it and often makes plans of how to use that allotted time! It's like a proper ‛date' and she finds it very exciting. But what about the spontaneity? She does that too - when her partner least expects it. Needless to say, she is actually one of my most relaxed and happy friends. Umm. Still not convinced? Rubber gloves still on.

Whether married or not, you need to connect with your partner. Holding hands, the odd kiss and cuddle or simply turning off XFactor and having a chat over the kitchen table can reignite the intimacy. Remember what you did together pre-kids. A few minutes a day can make a massive difference. To be comfortable with a healthy sex life - I need to feel less tired and a little more energetic or I'm going to feel guilty about my managing my thoughts to read "this is rather nice" instead of "tuna or cheese in the sandwiches". I'm going to bed earlier, encouraging joint reading in bed with a cuddle and yes, I'm starting my bedroom schedule.

My rubber gloves are peeling off and my husband is enjoying ‛that' look back in my eye now. Watch out - sex goddess about!